guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
