My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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