I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
