woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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