i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
