Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am naked and annoyed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
