Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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