i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He has the fingertips of a God
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
