I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
