I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
