considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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