How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
