Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
