i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
