it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
