I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
