Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
