Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
