Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
