we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
