just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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