she was so not down for the gang bang
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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