Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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