how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
