I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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