I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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