i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize