There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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