What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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