Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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