dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
