I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
