my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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