if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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