I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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