Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
