I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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