The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
