He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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