I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
