Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
