The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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