Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
