onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
