When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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