woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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