To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
