We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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