I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
