My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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