oh god the rape fog is back!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
