Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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