Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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