So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
