I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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