I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
