I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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