i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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