i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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