i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
