Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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