ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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