i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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