Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
