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We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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