i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
