Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Let the clothes fall where they may.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
