It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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