Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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