I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
