If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
