Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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