The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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