You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
