bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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