I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
